Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
