Got a toothbrush?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Randomize
