Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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