someone threw a dead crab at me
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
