i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
