Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
