weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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