i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize