Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
