Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
