last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
i think my cat just said my name.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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