I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Randomize
