oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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