it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
