Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
