Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize