Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
where are you?
Hypothermia
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
