apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
