the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
