is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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