the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
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Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
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You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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