I accidentally had phone sex last night
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.