I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize