bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
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I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
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Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom