Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
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I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
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I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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