i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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