totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
There r osticjed everywhere
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
