Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
