i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Do vagina's smell?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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