Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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