That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
whose parrot is this?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
