You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
