i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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