it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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