We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
