We named our party play list daddy issues
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
