Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
