I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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