i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
