Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
