party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
