also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
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I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
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and you fell through a lawn chair
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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