If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize