I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
