Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
