New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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