oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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