I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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