So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Randomize
