you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I met the friendliest cop last night
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
