I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
