Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
