We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i just sent this text using only my big toe
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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