This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
