They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
