i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
