I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
