His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
