The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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