If i come over, it means nothing
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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