Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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