Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize